Fifty bucks, Grandpa. For seventy-five, the wife can watch.

I should really come with a warning.  And also, I’m hoping God has a sense of humor or I’m toast.  Toast, get it?

I was at a bar Saturday night with some friends and I notice a girl a couple tables over.  She looks exactly like the friend/roommate of Julia Roberts in the movie “Pretty Woman”.    I was just fascinated by her.

I decided I wanted to chat with her. 

How does one go about talking to a complete stranger that you see a couple tables away?

Well, if you are me then you read her lips and “hear” that she has to go to the bathroom.

I turned to my friends and told them I was going to go meet Kit De Luca and walked right over to her table.

Me:  Hi!  I was just reading your lips from over there (point to friends) and I “saw” that you have to go to the bathroom.

Kit just stared at me.

Me:  Well, this is my first time here, like I overheard you saying as I walked up, and I thought we could go find it together.

Kit stares at me and then turns and stares at boyfriend.

Boyfriend gives me a huge drunk smile and tells her to go with me.

Me:  Hey buddy, I’m not leaving with the two of you.  This is not going to end up a three way.  I just want to go to the bathroom with Kit.

Boyfriend makes sad face.

I grab Kit’s arm and off we go to the bathroom. 

Me:  I heard the guy’s bathroom doesn’t have the dividers up right now and when the doors open you can get a good look at everything….I wouldn’t look.

Kit:  Neither would I.

Me:  Actually, I would look. 

Kit stares at me.

Kit:  Me too.

We share a big smile.

We chat while waiting in line in the bathroom.  Well, I chat.  I chat with a few other people who are washing their hands and trying to figure out how to get the paper towels out of the dispenser.  It is really hard to get them out when you have to turn that thingy on the side, because it doesn’t really have any edges to get leverage.  It’s really fun to watch drunk people do it.  I didn’t offer to help because it was more fun to watch.

Kit goes into her stall and I go into mine.  I come out first, wash my hands, dry my hands on the paper towel, and walk out.

I didn’t say good-bye.  I just walked out.

When I returned to my table my friends asked me if I had left her in the bathroom.

Me:  Ummm, yep.

I didn’t talk to her or look at her for the rest of the night.  We had our moment and it was over.

What do you think she was thinking when this was going on?  What would you have done if someone had done that to you?  I guess it depends on how badly you had to go to the bathroom.

Two things:

1.     The exchange with the boyfriend didn’t happen, although he did give us the goofy grin.  It would have been hilarious had I said it.  Next time.

2.     I hadn’t been drinking, except for trying a sip of my friend’s drink, which by the way was good.  I wish I could remember what it was called.  You would like it.

Does anyone have to go the bathroom?  I’ll go with you.  It’s a girl thing.  Whether you are a friend or stranger you still want to go with another girl.  I’m sure Kit would agree.