That's Why They Have Crosswalks

First off, I didn’t run her over, but if I had she would win the Darwin Award.

“Hey, Lady.  If it looks like you are going to miss your bus I suggest you do not try to cross a busy four-lane road during morning traffic, when the cars are averaging around 40mph, with very small gaps between each other.  You are super lucky I have cat like reflexes and I saw the bus on the other side of the road and I just knew you would make a break for it.  Playing “Frogger” in real life is really not a great idea! 

Also, if I did hit you, which I believe wouldn’t be my fault because you were not at a crosswalk (please confirm Gary and Kyle), I would still get out of the van to help you.  I would call 911 and then I would yell at you that you are an idiot.  I would perform any necessary first aid until the ambulance arrived and I would also be yelling at you that you are an idiot.  I would hold your hand and tell you that everything will be ok, and I would whisper in your ear that you are an idiot by trying to cross a four-lane road.  I would do all of this because I am kind and I think when you recover you just might do it again. 

If a car hit you then you will definitely miss your bus and getting to work on time just isn’t worth it.  You would also probably be dead and then you will absolutely miss the city bus, but might be able to catch the #7 bus to Heaven.  You might also want to think about the injuries you could cause to other people because of the accident.  It’s just not you that would be in danger.  So please, don’t walk out into traffic, and maybe get a watch and take a class on time management.  I am very, very mad at you.”