What's In Your Purse?

What’s in YOUR Purse? 

Teeth are in MINE.

Twelve years ago I had my wisdom teeth removed.  I had seven of them.  I’m super wise.

My friend, Laure Phelps Hettinger, is a dental hygienist.  So to me this meant she’d probably want to see my teeth.  I searched around and found them in the bottom of my hope chest in a well-sealed bag.  I probably put them there so when I am 90 I can look at them and remember when I had my own set of teeth.

So I showed Laura and she really wasn’t too impressed.  I guess she sees a lot of teeth.  I thought they were pretty cool.

I threw the bag back in my purse and went about my daily life.  About three weeks later I decided it was my half-yearly purse cleaning time.  As usual, I found the normal stuff in the bottom of my purse:  gum and candy wrappers, French fries, receipts not important enough to take the time to put in my wallet, loose change, a half eaten granola bar, used Band-aids (obviously Olivia’s), and popcorn.

I started to pick out the pieces of popcorn and realized it wasn’t popcorn.  It was my teeth.  Some how the bag had ripped open in my purse.  A normal person would have removed them, but we all know I’m not normal.

Two thoughts went through my head:

First, if my purse was ever stolen I think it would be hilarious for the robber to find my teeth.  I imagine them reaching in and pulling out a handful of my teeth.  It would take a minute for them to figure out what it was and then I can see the look on their face when it dawned on them and then letting out a scream and dropping the teeth or throwing them across the room.  Either way, as I cancelled my credit cards I would smile at how messed up that person would be for the rest of the day.  Seriously, who carries loose teeth around in their purse?  It really is gross, well, if it’s not your own teeth and you’re not me.

Second, it would also be totally awesome if I was ever arrested and the police searched my purse and found my teeth.  I would make the news for sure.  My 15 minutes.  There would be an investigation into whose teeth they were and I would plead the fifth just so I could get a break from the kids.  I might stretch this out for a bit.   I only wish the mug shot would show the pajama bottoms I was wearing that day.