Em and M

When I write Em’s dialogue it looks like this,

EM: 

When I write my dialogue on it looks like this,

ME:

It’s silly, but I like that the letters are switched.  It’s like we have a connection or something.

I’ve been trying for years to get her to sign her name “M”, but it’s not her thing.  I think it would be super cool since I call her “Em”.  Very hip.

Get it, “Em” and “M”?

Now I want some chocolate.

I get all the green ones.

American Girl Dolls "The Bachelor"

You have got to be kidding me.

When I didn’t sign-up for the American Girl Doll nightmare it happened anyway, but this has gone too far.

There are YouTube videos about everything, but this blew my mind.

Last night Olivia had her American Girl Dolls dressed-to-the-nines and lined up on the table.  They were watching a video.  I looked over and there was a boy American Girl Doll (?) surrounded by a semi-circle of beautiful A.G.Ds.

Me:  Are you watching an American Girl Doll “The Bachelor”?

Liv:  Yes, it’s a girl’s Season 1~Episode~1 on YouTube, “The Cocktail Party”.

Me:  Are you freaking kidding me?

Liv:  Nope.

Me:  Is there a rose scene?

Liv:  I don’t know.  Do you want to watch it with me?

Me:  I guess so (this is some serious bonding time).

I have actually never watched The Bachelor.  This one is apparently about Season 6.  I’m so confused.  Is there actually a Justin on Season 6?  Is this a real thing?  I’ve only heard about the rose scene.  This happens at the end of the episode, right?  You mean I have to watch this whole thing?  I can’t just jump to the end?  I guess I have to meet the girls.

I’m actually typing this as I watch the video.

Oh, this girl has a good first question.  “What do you do for a living?”  Smart girl, she wants to find out if she should put out the effort to hook-up with this guy.  Can he support her lavish lifestyle?

Justin:  I’m a bartender.  Blah, blah, blah….

Drama from the Nanny, Theresa:  “OMG, Michelle stole him away”.

Is this scripted?

More DRAMA.

What the hell is going on?  They’re all trying to get time with Justin and then getting pissed when another girl has his attention.

The girls are selling themselves.  “This is what my job is and what I think about it…  I am from….  My mom is so wonderful….  I am 26…  That’s everything main about me….  My brothers are my best friends.  I can’t even describe how cool they are…”

Grace:  Justin can I talk to you for a second?

Justin:  Uh?  <turns away>.  Hi are you Lauren?

Grace:  OMG, I saw Lauren look at him when he came in and I started talking to him and she stole him away.  I can’t believe it.

Holy crap, this totally sucks.  The girl who made this video talked so much she had to post the video in two parts.  What the what?  I have to wait until she posts Part 2 before I find out which girl gets the rose. 

They make you want it, people.  They make you want it.

I guess at this point I’m rooting for Grace since she was totally shut down.  Come on girl, fight back.  Fight for your man.  Maybe?  Or just get some face time on t.v. and hope that the viewers can’t believe he didn’t see how amazing you are and want more time with you and want you to be happy.  Maybe the next “The Bachelorette” will be starring you.

Is this how it works?

Eating Peas

My Dad:  My Grandpa used to eat everything with a knife.

8 Year Old Me:  Really?  Even Peas?

My Dad:  Even peas.

8 Year Old Me:  Wow! 

My Dad:  Do you want the rest of this?  <does one more long, noisy slurp and offers me the completely, clean, white, rib bone >

8 Year Old Me:  Dad, you are so funny!  There’s nothing left.  <laughing>

My Dad:  My Grandpa used to eat everything with a knife.

14 Year Old Me:  Yah, I know.  You tell us that ALL the time. <roll eyes>

My Dad:  Do you want the rest of this?  <does one more long, noisy slurp and offers me the completely, clean, white, rib bone >

14 Year Old Me:  That is totally disgusting!   

My Dad:  My Grandpa used to eat everything with a knife.

20 Year Old Me:  Dad, you kill me!  You’ve been telling us that forever.  I wish I could have met your Grandpa.

My Dad:  Do you want the rest of this?  <does one more long, noisy slurp and offers me the completely, clean, white, rib bone>

20 Year Old Me:  Thanks for the offer, but you keep it.  <laughing>

My Dad:  My Grandpa used to eat everything with a knife.

My Daughters:  Really?  Even Peas?

My Dad:  Even peas.

My Daughters:  Wow! 

My Dad:  Do you want the rest of this?  <does one more long, noisy slurp and offers me the completely, clean, white, rib bone >

My Daughters:  Gross!!!  Besides, there’s nothing left.  <laughing>

Dad, thanks for telling me stories all my life, being a part of the stories of my life, sharing the same stories with my girls, and being a part of their story.

I love you, Dad!!!!  Happy Father’s Day!!!!

Three Lucky Girls

Me:  Did you think about how many kids you wanted when you were in high school?

Thomas:  No, it never crossed my mind.

Me:  When we got married how many kids did you want?

Thomas:  I didn’t really think about it.

Me:  What did you want to name your kids?

Thomas:  I never spent any time considering names.

Me:  Well, now you have three daughters.  What do you think about kids now?

Thomas:  Now?  Now I think about them all the time.  Now I think about how lucky I am to have such amazing daughters.  Now I think about how thankful I am that they are mine.  Now I think I am the luckiest Dad in the world.  Now I think there is nothing better than loving your kids and being loved by them.

Me:  I know it’s not about me, but I did spend some time pushing those kids out.  So what do you think about me?  Hmmmm?

Thomas:  I think that I wouldn’t be the Dad of these incredible girls without you, so I guess you’re okay.

Me:  Cool, thanks for letting me make it a little bit about me.  Also, even though you didn’t know it, when I first met you I knew you would be the most amazing Dad and that was one of the main reasons I married you.  Maybe you didn’t think about it, but I saw how kind you were and I knew you would treat the kids with love and compassion: I saw how inquisitive about all things you were and I knew you would teach and share amazing things with our kids; I knew that you would play with the kids and that they would be your everything; I knew that I would love you forever because you would love our kids more than anything.  Thanks for being the Dad I wanted for my kids!  The girls are so blessed to have you and I am so incredibly happy that you picked me to be a part of your life and share the wonders of parenthood.  You mean everything to us!  Happy Father’s Day, Thomas!!!!

That Can't Be Real, Can It?

Em:  Suspension of disbelief.  Suspension of disbelief.  Suspension of disbelief. 

Thomas:  What are you saying?

Em:  Suspension of disbelief.  I can’t watch this part without saying that.

Me:  Ummmm…..Em, we are watching “The Hobbit”, the whole thing is suspension of disbelief.

It's Getting Pretty Big

Kid:  Have you ever noticed that you hold your breath when you watch a movie and then all of a sudden you have to take a big one? 

Thomas:  What do you mean?

Kid:  When you are watching a movie and you are really engorged and then all of a sudden you have to take a huge breath or you are going to die.

Thomas:  Engorged?  Do you mean engaged?

Kid:  Yah, I was trying to use a big word.

Thomas:  Sounds great.

Yes, I write “kid” when the daughter in question does not want to be identified.

Here, Take A Whiff

Me:  Why do you think only one of my armpits smells?

Thomas:  If both of them smelled that would be the first normal thing about you.   EVER.