Wow!!!!
I did something yesterday afternoon that I haven’t done
since Emily was in 1st grade.
I went to a soccer game.
A football game if you want to get all fancy on me.
If I have my way, I will not go to another soccer game.
For two reasons…
I’ll get to those in a minute.
When Emily was six we signed her up for Pee-Wee soccer,
because that’s what you do in Seattle.
You sign your kid up for a sport where you are guaranteed to watch every
single freaking game in the rain.
Regardless, it was so cute to watch a bunch of little girls
chase around the soccer ball or in Emily’s case, look off into space until
someone yelled at her to “get the ball”.
She would wake-up, look around, and then realize that, not only has the
ball gone past her, she has no idea where it is at that moment, so she would
just return to never, never land.
Like I did Sunday, years ago one of our best friends came
out to watch Emily stand there. Thanks
Mr. Pat for your patience. You were a
trooper.
Way back then, we thought little girl soccer was cute. Then we realized that Emily’s level of
participation could go on for years and years then it wasn’t so cute anymore.
We yanked her.
Since then, I’ve always tried to “guide” my girls into
sports that support my level of comfort.
I like buildings. I like
controlled temperature. I like
guaranteed bathrooms.
This past Spring, Olivia asked me over and over if she could
play soccer. I finally asked her if she
knew what soccer was and she informed me she didn’t, but all her friends play. Off to The Google we went to check out
YouTube videos of soccer.
She watched it for about 10 seconds and then turned to me,
“Yah, changed my mind. I don’t want to
play soccer. I didn’t know you had to
run (Is she my kid or what?).”
My response? “I know,
right? There is sooooooo much
running. I think the games last over an
hour and you have to run the entire time.
Sometimes it’s raining, or snowing or there is lightning, and soccer is
a tough sport so they don’t make you get off the field when there’s lighting,
they just tell you to duck (Yah, I lie.
So what?)”
“What about tornadoes?
Do you get to hide from tornadoes?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “Sorry sweetie, just lay on the
ground.”
“Where will you be?”
“In the tornado shelter, obviously.”
And that was the end of all that soccer business. Thank God!
While I watched the game yesterday I made 10 observations:
1.
It is a lot easier to watch a soccer ball than a
puck.
2.
The shoes are awesome!!! I like all the colors.
3.
I don’t understand why goalies don’t wear facemasks. Those balls are kicked really hard.
4.
Unlike most sports, soccer fans sit as close to
the field as possible. It is a very big
field and the chance of having the ball in your general area is slim, but it
does happen. And it DID happen. I believe a couple screams, ducking behind
Becky and some choice swear words came out of me.
5.
I am glad I am not a physical therapist and I
have to watch my kid play soccer. I
would spend the majority of my time thinking about the hours and hours of rehab
that could be in her future.
6.
According to Becky, you can trip someone if you
pretend like you are going after the ball.
I would practice this move all the time, in the hopes that I would trip
as well. I know you think I’m crazy to
say this, but let me tell you why I think this way. When I was in high school I would go on the
ski bus with Matt and Susan. My favorite
part of skiing was catching a ski, losing control, and tumbling down the hill
in a chaotic arm and leg, flailing fall.
It was awesome!!!! I figure
getting tripped in soccer would be the same, but a lot smaller fall. There would still be a feeling of being out
of control and that would be a fantastic!
Thomas said I should ask Abby if she agrees with the whole feeling of “weeee,
this is fun”. He thinks she’ll say,
“Umm, no. It’s just falling. It’s really not that fun. You fall and you get up and you run after the
ball.” If she said this I would worry
that Abby doesn’t know how to live on the wild side. I would need to intervene. I wonder if Becky and Gary will let me take
her on a road trip to Aspen. She’s
pretty athletic, I think she can do a black diamond on the first day or I can
trip her and she would have a really fantastic time, falling down a mountain.
7.
Apparently, there IS walking in soccer, either
that, or those were some really lazy girls.
8.
It is absolutely terrifying to watch two girls
dive head first toward each other. What
the hell? Why would you teach them to do
that?
9. The
players can get a concussion and probably a fan can as well, because they sit
too close to the stupid field. I found this article. Check it out and then petition for
helmets. http://www.sacbee.com/2013/07/18/5573656/tips-for-keeping-kids-safe-from.html My favorite question in this article is: Girls high
school soccer is second in sports-related concussions. Why do you think that
is? My answer…because they’re getting
hit in the head with the BALL!
10. You
have to yell, “Turn and Burn”.
Also (this is not a #11), nobody passed out from all the
exercise and they all seemed to be smiling.
It was weird.
I was gasping for breath just watching.
And then Abby did what I’ve been told Abby does. She scored a touchdown, except there was no
point after kick, which I find very confusing because I thought it was
football.
Nice job, Abby. It
was fun to watch you run, although you seem like somewhat of a slacker, because
you didn’t run up and down the whole field the entire time. This concerns me about basketball
season. If you don’t have the stamina
for soccer, how on earth are you going to keep up in basketball? You need to work on that.
And…
Reason #1 why I won’t go to another soccer game…it is constant
exercise being thrown in your face for over an hour. There was apparently a half time (It lasted
about a nanosecond. Justin Timberlake
did not sing.), which screwed me completely up, and I started freaking out
because Abby was kicking the ball the wrong direction and I was afraid she
would score and then hang her head in embarrassment. I started yelling “The other way!!! Abby, the other way!!! Becky!!!
Tell her to turn around!!!” Then
you know what happened? Abby tripped and
fell and she didn’t even laugh, so I’m really thinking a road trip is
necessary.
Reason #2…apparently David Beckham retired.
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