You Are In No Way Apollo Ohno

A great double date last night with Thomas, Erin and Andy…

That’s right, Andy’s a fireman.  You know what this means…I have connections.

I suggested over dinner that I help with the next training of firemen and they can practice the fireman carry by toting me around. 

I have watched a YouTube video and it doesn’t look particularly comfortable, however, the hand position is just fine with me.  I’ll just have them tweak a few things, like maybe have pillows on their shoulders.

I am really excited about being hauled up in the air. I can only imagine it is kinda like what they do in college cheerleading.  A throw and a catch, except they’re catching me with their shoulders.  It might be a little jarring.

I just had an awesome thought.  I was a cheerleader in high school and I might still have my uniform.  I could wear it!!!  Of course it will absolutely fit after three kids and three large Cokes a day for the past 23 years, right?  They stretch, I’m sure of it, now to find it.  I wonder where it is, hmmmm.

Besides, I think firemen might be a little more motivated to rescue a girl in a cheerleading outfit than Tweety Bird pajama bottoms.

This reminds me of a story… (if you know me well then you know that when those words come out of my mouth you never know what will follow and you usually groan).

A few years back Thomas would take the girls and slide them between his legs on the kitchen floor and then pull them back up and throw them in the air.  I so wanted to do this and begged Thomas to try with me.  I begged and begged.  I can be quite persuasive.  I promised to not talk to him for 2 whole hours and he caved.  Yes!!!  I know his weakness.

It would be like we were swing dancing on “Dancing With The Stars”, and I would be Julianne Hough and he would be Apolo Ohno and we would win the entire competition.  It would be awesome!!! 

I was super, super excited and he was holding my hands and he had the strangest look on his face. 

“What’s wrong?”  I asked.

“Nothing.  I was just wondering if we had the back support brace we used when we were moving the furniture into the house.”

“Why on earth would you be thinking about that right now?”

“No reason,” he paused, “but do we still have it?”

“Dude, I have no idea.  I’ll look for it when we are finished with our dance.  Are you planning on bringing that huge ass entertainment center up from the basement?  I told you that you need to ask the neighbor.  He is as big as a mountain and super strong.  You cannot do it by yourself.  It is way too heavy.”

“Yah, that’s kinda what I was thinking.  It would be too heavy,” he said dryly.

“Ok, here we go.  Wait.  I should find some music.  Do you know any swing music songs?  We really need to get into the feel of the music.  They say you need to feel the music with your soul in order to be a good dancer,” I was swaying and swishy around the kitchen.

“Krista, we don’t need any music.  Just get over here, let’s just do this thing.  The anticipation is too much to take,” he sighed and looked at me with another strange look.

“Oh my gosh, we will probably totally rock this and then we could start taking dancing lessons and in “Dancing With The Stars” they are always doing lifts and we could learn that next.  I am so excited,” I was jumping up and down.

Thomas took my hand and I smiled at him, he half smiled at me and then he pulled me down between his legs and I let out a laugh and I slid through just like Julianne and then I stopped and he let go and went flying forward.

“What the hell was that?  You forgot to pull me back up!”

“Woman, you almost killed me!”

“YOU ARE NOT IN ANY WAY APOLO OHNO!”

“WELL, YOU ARE NOT IN ANY SIZE, SHAPE OR FORM JULIANNE!”

“You know what this means, right?” I asked in a very calm voice.

“Yah, you are going to constantly talk at me for 2 hours,” he said and then under his breath he said, “and I’ll be unable to walk tomorrow.”

“Try 2 days, dude, two days and you are going to buy me a necklace, because that’s the price a man pays for CALLING HIS WIFE FAT.”

“Fine, buy the stupid ass necklace.  I have been married to you so long I know when to stop talking, and that was, unfortunately, about two sentences ago,” he shook his head and headed toward the stairs.

“You just did it again!  That’s right, I’d walk away if I were you!  Actually, I’d think about running!”