Genetically Lucky

I am so tired of looking at magazine covers and reading People on-line and seeing the headlines, “Brittany Spears (fill in with any other celebrity) lost her baby weight in 6 weeks.  Find out how? You can lose it just as easily using her work-out plan.”

Then you read the article and it says, “blah, blah, blah”, but conveniently forgets to mention their personal trainer they use 4-5 times a week or the chef they have concocting delicious healthy meals.  You know they aren’t doing it all on their own.  Why should they when they can pay for someone to whip them into shape?

I have figured out MY work-out plan.

It’s called, “Be Genetically Lucky”.

That’s all I’m willing to do.  I’m waiting for that gene to kick into gear.  It is taking it’s own sweet time.

I can be patient.  I’ll just watch the “Biggest Loser”, eat some ice cream and take a nap while I wait. 

It will happen.  I just know it.

I Found Something Better

I’m one of those people who buys something, especially gifts, and then puts them in a place I will “always remember”.  I really should have one spot where I put everything, but I would probably forget that too, and it would make too much sense.

Anyway, I have a gift I want to send to a friend and have turned the house upside down.  I initially put it somewhere I knew I would “find it” and I DID find it, but then I decided that it needed to be in a better place.  Well that is one good hiding place.  I should have just left it where I found it the first time.

In the search for the gift, I did find a few other things I had hidden (in five different places).  Hell yah!!!!  I would have preferred the gift, but I’ve been sitting here eating chocolate and lamenting about what a space case I am.  I think I will just sit here until inspiration strikes me and I’m full and then I’ll start looking again.

Also, I have no idea how that apple ended up in the picture.  It soooo does not belong there.

And, I’m super glad most of my close friends live over a thousand miles away, because I really don’t want to share.

I do have to hide all of this before the kids get home.  I’ll think of the perfect place.  Actually, I’m thinking five different places is a good idea, because then they won’t find all my stash at one time.  I am brilliant!!!

Age Is Just A Number

Me:  Liv, you are my favorite. <whispering>

Liv:  You mean your favorite 9-year old.

Me:  Yep, 9-year old.

Liv:  I can’t wait until I’m 11, because then I get to go on my 11-year old trip with Daddy. 

Me:  That will be a lot fun!

Liv:  Mom, did you know that every year I turn another age?

Me:  Yes I do, Sweetie.  You are so darn cute.  Just so you know, you stop turning another age around 27.

Lean Into The Turn

Thomas always drives when we go places. 

Actually, anybody who goes out-and-about with me always drives.  Not because I’m a bad driver, but because I drive slowly.  You know, the speed limit.

On Sunday, Thomas and I were running errands and we were in the parking lot preparing to park.

I expected him to pull into a particular space on the right, and I began to lean into the turn.

But he didn’t turn…he pulled into a different one on the other side.

This was wrong, so wrong.

Me:  I thought you were going to pull into that parking spot over there.

Thomas:  I know you did.

Me:  Do you usually know what parking spot I want you to park in?

Thomas:  Pretty much.

Me:  Did you choose this spot because you knew I was preparing for the other one?

Thomas:  Yep.

Me:  Do you do that often?

Thomas:  Pretty much.

Me:  That’s not very nice.

Thomas looked at me and smiled.

Me:  I would never mess with your mind like that.

Thomas looked at me and raised one eyebrow (I’m so jealous he can do that.  I practice all the time, but without success).

Me:  Okay, maybe I do a little bit.

Thomas was still looking at me.

Me:  Fine…I do it a lot, but that doesn’t mean you can do it to me.  You know, it’s kinda petty to try and get even.

Thomas was still looking at me and smiling just a little bit.

Me:  Game on!

And then when we went to the next store, I leaned into the turn and he went the other way. 

And he smiled.

This guy kills me. 

I gotta give him props for keeping up with me, but I’m still ahead on the driving somebody crazy scale.

Thomas, just go to sleep.  I’ll watch over you.  Everything will be just fine.  Just relax.

And then BAM!!!!

He’ll never see it coming, mostly because his eyes will be closed.

Dollar Store

I really believe there needs to be a 10 item or less line in the Dollar Store.

Dad's Nads

Kid:  I had a dream I was golfing with Dad and I did my backswing and I hit Dad in the nads.

Me:  Excuse me?  Nads?  Where did you learn that word?

Kid:  From Dad.

Me:  Okay.

This is proof that it’s not always me that expands their vocabulary.  It is a little surprising that he taught her that word.  He is usually saying words that you only read, not words that people actually say, like sesquipedalian.

Sometimes we’ll be chatting and he’ll pop out a word…

Me:  Dude, nobody says that word.  How do you even know how to pronounce it?  People only read that word and I usually skip over it because I have no idea what it means.  Like the word, “perspicacious”, couldn’t you just say, “keen”?  “He has a keen sense of vision”, not “He has a perspicacious sense of vision”.  Why on earth did you use that word?

Thomas:  The word just fits. 

Me:  Okay. 

This is the thing, he’s not even snooty.  He doesn’t walk around speaking all pretentiously, obviously, he taught my daughter “nads”.  He reads A LOT.  I guess you pick up big college words when you read and write all the time.  That is his job, after all.

I’ve picked up words from my profession.  The most important word…Vagina!  Once again, I am going to be an awesome Grandma!

Don't Eat Your Sister

I am concerned…

Busy Philipps (from Cougar Town) gave birth to her second daughter on July 2^nd. 

What I find weird is that it took 9 days for them to “announce” the baby’s name.  Why does it take so long for many folks in the spotlight to tell us the name of their little bundle of joy?  Maybe they are nervous we are all going to say, “Really?  Really?  You named her that?  Why would you do that to the poor child?”

Anyway, I’M very, very nervous about the future for Busy’s newest addition, because she named her daughter Cricket Pearl.

I know that some famous people have chosen creative names for their children, for example:  Buddy Bear, Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo and Blossom Rainbow (the names of Jamie Oliver’s children), but Cricket is possibly an omen of death.

Why?

Her sister’s name is Birdie.

Ummm, birds eat crickets.  It’s nature.

Now that I look at the names of Oliver’s kids, I’m a bit concerned for Poppy Honey too.  The newest edition Buddy Bear might find her yummy as a late night snack.

If you want to check out some more kooky names, check out this site.  However, it is an older list and missing a couple new baby names like North West and Blu Ivy.

http://www.babble.com/celebrity/33-worst-celebrity-baby-names/moon-unit/

I’m going to stick with Emily, Audrey and Olivia.

Our only weirdness is self-inflicted.  Depending on the year, Audrey proclaims that she is “Aud, Odd (she’s weird), and Odd (she’s an odd number like 11 yrs old)”.

Good luck Cricket and Poppy Honey!