Prince Takes Precedence

Thomas, I’m so sorry.  I realize you wanted me to call you and I really intended to call.  I kept running into a problem.  You see, unlike the T.V., you can’t pause Syrrius XM (I think).  I, obviously, was listening to the 80s channel and one great Prince song after another came on:  1999; Little Red Corvette; I Would Die 4 U; Purple Rain; When Doves Cry; Raspberry Beret; and Kiss.

I know you said it was important and that I call ASAP.  Unless you give me a little clue as to what it could be, such as there is a pajama sale at Target; McDonald’s Cokes are BOGO any size; Red Robin has miraculously opened next to the Coach outlet store and you want to take me to dinner; or Prince is playing at the Assembly Hall and you won VIP tickets, I am going to assume you need more batteries for the x-box controller or you’ve run out of your snobby beer.  These are not important enough for me to stop listening to my music.

So, I’ll talk to you when I get home and then you can run out and get your batteries and beer.

**If it’s Tuesday, I will assume someone is at the emergency room.  Since you are already there, I’ll be in the parking lot listening to my music.  If it’s something serious then shoot me a text and I’ll pop in.  Thanks.

Love you,

Ruby

Puppies And Hot Dads

I’m a sucker.

I walked out of Haggen’s and there was this super cute 8ish year-old Boy Scout standing next to a table covered with goodies.  He looked like he wanted to disappear.  He barely lifted his eyes to look at me and then the conversation went as follows…

Me:  Hi!!!  It looks like you have a lot of yummy things for sale.

Cutie Pie:  Yes. <mumbled>

Me:  I love, love, love all sorts of candy.  Which one is your favorite?

Cutie Pie:  These two. <pointed to the two largest bags>

Me:  Oh, no.  I love both of those.  I don’t know how to choose between Caramel Corn popcorn and the Butter Toffee popcorn.

And then his Dad stepped in to help…

Cutie Dad:  Well, it depends if you like nuts or no nuts.

Me:  Well, I’m going to have to go with the nuts.  I love caramel and almonds.  How much is it?

Cutie Pie:  $20.

Holy crap, it’s twenty dollars for a bag of popcorn?  Ugh.  I looked around to see if there was a smaller bag, but there wasn’t and I had already committed to the caramel kind so I was screwed.

Me:  Here ya go!!! 

I handed Cutie Pie twenty bucks, grabbed my popcorn, looked up at Cutie Dad and he winked.

Pause…

Me:  Wait one second…you know I think I’ll get that other bag too.  You never know when you want to mix it up.

I’ve always thought the movies, and, yes, real life, was super silly when the ladies would go crazy over the guy at the park walking the puppy.  Ridiculous.

However, I realized at that moment I just did it with popcorn.

J.T. Is My Favorite

My OCDness kicked in on a recent road trip.   

I saw a field of windmills and was bothered that as they were turning they were not in sync.  Did I just say "n-sync"?  I love you Justin!

Do you think I could get the powers that be to stop them and then restart them at the same time?  Also, imagine how cool that would look, acres and acres of turning windmills all on the same cycle.  The OCD fairy inside of me would be singing and dancing.

Apparently, windmills are not fans, so my dream of watching a hawk soar for miles on the wind beneath its wings (OMG, Bette Midler!) has been dashed.   

Thank you very much, Thomas.   

You are a jerk.

Do You Have $1?

I can’t remember if I’ve shared this story (because my brain is long past gone), but Thomas doesn’t remember it, and his brain is just fine.  If I have written it before, we will blame Thomas.

One of Olivia’s friends came to the house on a Sunday afternoon…

Little Girl:  Hi, Mrs. Vance.

Me:  Hiya!  What’s up?

Little Girl:  Not much.  Hey, are those new pajama pants?  I’ve never seen them before.

Me:  Nope.  Can I tell you a secret?

Little Girl:  Yes.

Me:  Come closer, I need to whisper it.

Little Girl:  Okay.

Me:  These are my actual “real” pajamas.

Little Girl:  Really?

Me:  Yes, and nobody besides my family has ever seen them.  You are the first.

Little Girl:  Mrs. Vance, that is so cool!  That makes me super lucky!

Me:  Yes it does.

And the next day she sing-songed in the morning carpool that she had seen my REAL pajama pants and all the other girls were jealous.

Seriously, my real pajamas bottoms are the most BORING pajama pants EVER! 

It was a reminder that little things, like being the only person outside the family to see my real pajamas, can be exciting.

The little things make the world go round.

At afternoon pick-up I was told that the entire school heard about it and they were super jealous.

I’m thinking this might be a cash cow.  I can charge little kids $1 to see my REAL pajama bottoms.

Kinda like how Ted charged to see Sam’s panties in "Sixteen Candles".

Measuring Something Doesn't Mean Accurate

In case you are wondering, one cup of cereal is not very much.

I might have held the measuring cup over a bowl and mounded it and some extra might have poured over the side.  This does not count as more than a cup, right? 

No! No! No! It's Burning!

From the other room I hear yelling and crying…

Liv:  Nooooo!!!!  There’s a fire!!!  There’s a fire!!! 

I start running through the house toward the back room…

Me:  Liv, where are you?!?!  I’m coming!!!!

On the couch she sits, crying her eyes out…

Me:  Liv!!!  Where’s the fire?

Liv:  My house!  My house! 

Me:  I don’t see anything.

Liv:  It’s spreading!!!

Me:  WHAT. ARE. YOU. TALKING. ABOUT?

Liv:  On Minecraft.  Everything is burning!!!  I can’t stop it!!!

Me:  Seriously?  You are crying over Minecraft? 

Liv:  You don’t understand.

Me:  Nope.

Aud comes in the front door after basketball practice about 10 seconds later…

Me:  Aud, can you help your sister, please? Her house is burning down.

Aud runs off to save Liv’s house.  Aud is on her Nook and Liv is on her Nook and they are battling the blaze.

Liv:  It’s ruined.  The whole place is flooded.

Me:  Well, at least it’s not on fire anymore.

Liv:  Ruined, mom, ruined.

Aud:  Well, I guess we’re going to have to call Suzie.

Me:  Why are we going to call Suzie?

Aud:  Mom, she owns SERVPRO and they do flood damage?

Me:  Aaaahhh, you’re right.  I’ll text her.

One thing that Minecraft has done for our family is given the girls an opportunity to work together.  They sit next to each other and design buildings and do all kinds of other crap that I refuse to learn.  They laugh and ask and give help.  It’s kinda freaking me out.

My adrenaline did rise thinking about the 911 call, which would result in a fire truck, and FIREMEN.

Where's The Beef

I was in need of some munchies and headed to the kitchen to get a snack.  I stood in front of the open junk drawer (I just wrote drunk).  There is no food in the junk drawer.  L

There is also no food in the refrigerator, but at least I had more of a chance to find something.